Monday, December 20, 2010

trying to remember to breathe

When we were little kids running out the door my mom used to call out "Don't forget to breathe!". Just a funny little thing she always did. I never thought it was actually good advice until recently. I've been feeling like I can't breathe lately, which could be because I'm almost 9 months pregnant and Gwen's taking up all my breathing room, or it could be because I'm freaking out. She's coming in a week. I don't feel ready. Our house is a mess. I'm a mess. I don't know how I'm going to handle a newborn AND Jonas. That seems so wimpy. Most women I know have way more than two kids... which is becoming more and more amazing.

I feel like I should be excited. A new baby! A beautiful little girl! What could be more wonderful?! But I just feel overwhelmed. I feel like our little family has been constantly sick the last month, and that Jonas has been crying for about that long. If I can't keep myself happy, or Jonas happy, how am I going to do any better with another kid? Winter's looming and I feel like I'm going to be stuck down in this little basement apartment until spring with two crying babies, and one crying mommy. Am I just hormonal because I'm pregnant? Probably. Will that change at all once I have the baby? I hope so... but I don't know.

Any advice? How do other mom's cope with this? For now Russell and I are going to really deep clean the apartment, I'm going to try listening to cheerful music and pray my eyes out. And then just hold on. That's about all I can think of at the moment.

oh wait. I just realized I'm hungry. Yeah. Food will probably help.

2 comments:

Dean, Andrea, Tanner, and Landon said...

Some days are better than others, but you'll do great! So excited to see pictures of her cute little face! Good luck! You've got a busy week ahead of you!!

shayray said...

Oh Anna, how I adore you. You need not to worry. You have done this before with Jonas. Even though you will have two now. The anxiety you feel will disappear as your body and mind recalls doing this before. You are such a wonderful parent to Jonas and you will be to Gwen. Our Father has given these two wonderful children to you to guide and love through our time on earth. They have chosen you and Russell to be their loving parents. Even though it will be tough and there will be times as though you can't do it. Just think of how out of all the people out there, they chose you to watch and care for them. They love you and know that you will do the best you possibly can to parent them while in this earthly state. I know I'm not an expert at all at parenthood and goodness knows I don't intend to have another anytime soon. But I know that you are such a strong loving and patient person. You will be able to do things that you never thought possible. That is how parenthood is. And always remember you are not alone. When Russell is gone, when family can't come over to help, and friends are busy..Just look above and find the comfort He will provide. I wish we were closer to help out. I'd love to take care of a newborn again! We love you so much and hope everything goes well for you. If you ever need to vent or talk I'm here. And though I may not completely understand what your going through I can listen and just be there for you. Happy holidays Anna. We can't wait to see you guys!